When your best friend is there to make you feel better after you meet a guy who sweeps you off your feet & you allow yourself to think that he might be “the one”...only to find out the next day...he’s not. 💔. It can be hard to not have a pity party for yourself, or to start thinking that the way they are suddenly treating you has anything to do with the person that you are. It’s also hard not to feel bitter & think that everything you felt & everything he said & did was bs & that the world sucks. But I am learning, from the incredible people in my life, to remind myself that I have no idea what someone else is going through, where they are or what they have already experienced...or if they are in a relationship or tangled up in one. But the part i struggle with the most is knowing that some people are just straight up liars...some also just really suck at communicating their truth-Whether they are coming from a genuinely good place of not knowing how to face their own reality, or whether they just want to keep you around as an option for later...I don’t have the answer & i’m starting to come to terms with the fact that 99% of the time people will not tell you. But I am also coming to terms with the fact that I don’t need to waste my time trying to figure it, or them, out. & as silly & naive as I feel for admitting that I fell for a guy like that in one night...I did...& that doesn’t make me crazy. That makes me human. (I mean, he even helped me ride a bird scooter after the game🤦♀️) But life is too short to waste your time on people who don’t deserve it. & I don’t have time to feel like 💩. I’m going to stay focused on myself & continue creating the life that I want to live.❤️. I am more than thankful for all of the good people in my life ❤️ Thank you for always keeping me strong & for teaching me so many incredible lessons about life ❤️ just gotta roll with the punches ☺️❤️💪🏼, take the good with the bad, remember who you are & what you want, that it has nothing to do with the person that you are (unless, of course,...it does 🤗) But above all...dating sucks for everyone. & It’s really about timing...for both people involved.
Wellllll, here is an update I haven’t done in a while. :p And that’s because, ever since I got on these antidepressants two months ago, I haven’t struggled like I used to. I have finally been learning what life feels like without depression- and dang...it’s soooooo much easier! ☺️☺️☺️❤️❤️❤️ One of my favorite things about life without depression is being able to recognize feelings & move forward from them rather than spiraling down to an incredibly dark place like I used. I am learning what insecurity is.-An insecurity where I know its okay & that it’s just a part of life & I will get passed it. & so, I just wanted to share one of the things that can make me feel insecure. It’s something that actually makes me feel really insecure. Not so much because of what I am talking about in these videos, but more so because I feel weird that this type of stuff can still be hard for me, 10 years later. It’s like I feel bad that i still have these insecurities. As if it make me weak, or sensitive, or dramatic...I don’t really know. & 96% of my time I am fine with having a disability. But I guess sometimes I learn that I’m not (more so with the way society can make you feel). But I am also learning that, no matter what my journey is or how long things take me to figure out or grow from, it’s all okay. “Because I’m me and you are you”. -(a part of a poem written by my amazing sister, Kelci ❤️). I just wanted to share...because that’s what I do 🤗☺️☺️❤️❤️👊🏻🥴♿️♿️♿️♿️#mentalhealth #trustyourself #dontgiveup #yougetstronger #disability #wheelchair #spinalcordinjury #ability #strength These pictures and videos pretty much sum up my night ❤️ I wanted to leave as soon as I got to the game because of these feelings. But I didn’t. & I ended up getting to know better some of the @CAF oundation incredible individuals & then...despite the fact that I didn’t feel like going out after...I kept my $5 movie Tuesday plans with my teammate @peasplace who helped remind me that these unhelpful feelings, in time, & with perseverance, do subside ❤️☺️
I took somewhat of a break from posting for the last week or so. I spent that time finding myself again. Grounding myself. Learning who this new me is. This me without depression...this me who has not given up on her dreams. This me whose dreams are coming true. The me who is still scared but still facing that fear. The me who still battles that voice in my head every morning that tells me to not get out of bed-that tells me I don’t care, that I don’t feel, that I don’t need, that I don’t deserve...anything. But the me who fights back & gets up anyways & proves that voice wrong every single day. So many things have happened in the past year! What a crazy journey this has been. & I have loved every second of it...from the times I was barely hanging on...to the times I felt on top of the world ❤️ The ride has been incredible. The people I have met, the experiences I have had, the strength I have gained, the things I have learned...it has all been more than worth it. 10 years since I was a passenger in a motorcycle accident that paralyzed me from the waist down. 10 years since I was told my life was over. 10 years since my life truly began. 10 years since I stepped my fight up & told myself there was no other option but to give it my all...every single day. Even on the days I couldn’t get out of bed...I was still fighting-I was fighting to keep that faith. Faith that it would get better. That everything would be okay. And, no matter how dark it got in my mind, somehow I was always able to see that small sliver of light. & now that light is all around me. It can & will get better...please believe that. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you are going through...we, as humans, have an endless potential for resiliency & every hard time we face is simply the universe pushing us to grow. We are meant for so much more. Keep fighting. Keep believing. I wanted to die my entire life...but I still fought to live. & now my fight is for you. It always was. When you have depression...you don’t do it for yourself...why would you? -You don’t want to live. They say don’t do it for others...but that’s what got me through. Knowing that what I was going through was helping others.
Had another INCREDIBLE night with the @cafoundation at the Celebration of Will (Robin Williams ❤️-he was a huge supporter of CAF ❤️ & someone who touched my soul and so many others in this world. It was beyond a blessing that I was invited to be a part of something so incredibly special). Thank you, Robin Williams...for seeing more in people than just the physical. You will be forever missed. (Having depression myself...Robin’s passing truly broke my heart and it hurts every time I think about it...but I understand the pain he was feeling & I am so thankful for all he did for others, despite the battles he was facing in his own life. He was, & always will be, the definition of selfless-As are the founders of the @cafoundation , the current staff members, volunteers, and the many athletes that @cafoundation supports in their pursuit to change any and all of the negative/misguided perceptions of what people can do and who they are based on the way they look on the outside. Words could not thank you enough, @cafoundation for all you have done for me in my life and for so many others. You make my heart hurt...in a good way...as does Robin ❤️. ☺️❤️♿️💃♿️💃♿️💃 MORE PICTURES AND VIDEOS TO COME ☺️☺️ but for now...I gotta go to the gym ☺️💪🏼💪🏼♿️🏀 #feelingsothankful #adaptiveathlete #caf #challengedathletesfoundation #athlete #sportschangelives #blessed #depression #strength #faith #disability #spinalcordinjury
You wanna know something...I have spent the majority of my life holding back from who I really am because I am scared of what certain people think of me. Maybe that’s not a secret...maybe you already knew that. Maybe you are one of the people wanting me to hold back. There are people who want to see me fail. There are people who, no matter how hard I try to show them I am a good person, will never like me-simply because they don’t want to. Either they don’t know me, they don’t want to know me, or...no matter what I do...they just don’t like me. & that’s okay. There are people in my life whom I have let affect the way I feel about myself. Whom I have held back for. Whom I have let hurt me. But sooner or later the day will come when I will break free of that negativity & I will rise above it & be the person I know I was meant to be. A happy, kind-hearted, good person who is honest, hardworking, transparent & wants nothing more than to grow & be better than I was the day before. I care deeply about the feelings of others...but I need to learn to separate the feelings of others from my own. Control what I can control and let the rest work itself out. Have faith & keep striving for more. Forgive those who are trapped in their negative mindset & move on. Plant a seed and let others water it. Believe in the good that I know exists deep down in a hurtful person...but don’t let that good blind me to how they are treating me. Move on. Let them be. Be there if they come back around...but don’t let their shadow darken my light. -that’s just some of my thoughts lately. My life is getting better everyday...but it wasn’t easy to get here. It was far from easy. I cried a lot. I was in pain a lot. I felt lost...a lot. Not giving up is not easy. But how can you give up when you know the alternative is even harder...full of endless suffering. Depression was one of the biggest blessings in my life...it pushed me hard. It gave me no choice but to keep fighting. There was no option to settle...settling truly meant dying. That’s not an exaggeration. It’s just the truth. But I survived. I am stronger than I was yesterday & no matter what happens-I know I will be okay ❤️💪🏼♿️
Congratulations to the @cafoundation for being such an incredibly selfless, passionate & hardworking organization, for celebrating 25 years of service &...for awarding their largest grant distribution yet!! 4.8 million dollars in funding was awarded to 3,260 individuals with physical challenges across 103 different sports for adaptive sports equipment, training & competition expenses. The biggest thanks to CAF and the amazing people who donate their time, effort, passion and money to help change so many lives for the better ❤️ #sothankful #caf #blessed sports erase the idea of what it means to be disabled...& CAF plays a huge part in doing that all over the world! ❤️☺️☺️☺️❤️❤️💪🏼💪🏼♿️🏀 #disability #adaptiveathlete #wheelchair #spinalcordinjury #adaptivesports #beadaptive #thankyou #changinglivesonesportatatime
Batman @becca_murray12 & all of the amazingly talented players on the Milwaukee Bucks took first at the @nwba Women’s National Chanpionships...AGAIN!! But we played hard! & we, once again, made an awesome comeback. There’s one thing I have learned about us, the @shieldmaiden.socal , ...we don’t give up! We made some really good comebacks this weekend and all of them were beyond exciting with all those feel good feelings! So thankful for yet another unforgettable weekend of wheelchair basketball & all of the life lessons, love, strength and support that comes with it!! Thank you @snortney10 & @bloommj for allowing me to be a part of your special team of ladies this year! It meant a lot for me to be there playing with you!! And thank you to all of he girls on the @shieldmaiden.socal for welcoming me with open arms!! I love all of you!!! ❤️❤️ #teamworkmakesthedreamwork #nwba #toyota #per4max #wheelchairbasketball #adaptiveathlete #adaptivesports #spinalcordinjury #disability #ability #wheelchair #nevergiveup #justkeepswimming #thankful . Now backkkk to the grind!! 💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼♿️🏀 got a bunchhhh if workouts and To Do’s to get done before I leave again on Wednesday!
So beyond thankful for this game ♿️🏀❤️. Because of it I was given a second chance at my life that I had been taking for granted. A second chance to push myself, to strive for my best, to face any & all insecurities head on, to hold my head up, to find my inner strength, to meet incredible people, to show myself & everyone around me what can happen when you don’t give up...& that having a disability doesn’t have to be a disability. After losing my ability to walk at the age of 18...this game gave me a light at the end of the very dark tunnel I had spent a year living in. I was lucky enough to grow up as an able-bodied person with more opportunities than I could count...but little did I know that losing my ability to walk was going to be the biggest opportunity of them all. We won our second game today against Chicago & now play in the championship game tomorrow against the Milwaukee Bucks. When my shot is not going in...I usually quit shooting, but today, for the first time in my life, I kept shooting...& I shot my way out of my funk. I started making my shots when we needed them the most. It felt amazing...& even more amazing to have had so much encouragement from my @shieldmaiden.socal teammates, the refs, my friends and family & everyone in my life who always seem to believe in me no matter how much I struggle to believe in myself. ❤️💪🏼♿️🏀☺️ I get incredibly frustrated when my shot is not going in...& at times I question whether I will ever be the player that I know I am capable of being...sometimes I question everything about myself & my life...but then I remember that it’s all a process & I just have to be patient & not give up...because that’s the only way to find out how much better it can really get. ❤️❤️ #wheelchairbasketball #spinalcordinjury #adaptiveathlete #nwba #adaptiveathlete #thankful #justkeepswimming 📸: @chase_life_photography
So good seeing and playing against my @illinois1867 teammates @gg_gaeng_or_die , @kaitlyn_eaton21 & @smg093 ! Playing together for five years in college brought us together in a way nothing could ever replace. Waking up at 5am Monday through Friday, pushing hard for 2-3 hours a day, lifting 3 times a week, and taking a full load of classes while juggling everything else life brings definitely tests you and rewards you as you go through the ups and downs and keep pushing through no matter what...as a team. We always had each other’s backs...no matter how much we wanted to kill each other at times. ☺️☺️ And It made me so happy to be playing on the same court as them today-even if it was against them ☺️☺️ On another note...We, @shieldmaiden.socal , won both of our games today against Seattle and Chicago and we play the Bucks tomorrow at 10 am central ☺️☺️👊🏻💪🏼♿️🏀 it’s been awesome playing with these girls as well!!! ☺️☺️ I’d say we are playing pretty awesome together despite the fact some of us have only played together one time before, if that ☺️☺️💪🏼💪🏼💃 it’s all about that communication 🤗🤗🤗 #wheelchairbasketball #nwba #adaptiveathlete #spinalcordinjury #girlssupportinggirls
Man oh mannnn my eyes are opened wide ☺️👊🏻💪🏼 finally! Depression free!!! I’m still in shock. I know it could sneak back in...but I’m ready for it...and it hasn’t yet. I truly can’t believe how good this feels. I feel free. I fee alive for the first time. And I want to be alive. I’m happy I’m alive. I have the same gratitude I have always had...but this time I feel it all the way through. Life is crazy. Life is weird. Life is so unpredictable. But I’m happy. And I can finally see things clearly. I am still learning that I can’t always change the way things are...but I can be understanding, open-minded, and have faith that, in time, when the time is right, they will get better. & in the meantime, the best thing I can do is to continue trying my best to remind myself that everyone is on their own journey...& life is a trip for everyone. This world is huge and there is a place in it for all of us. We all have gifts to give and love, compassion and faith are the best tools for finding our way through the tough times, forgiving those who hurt us and helping those who need us in their lives. Don’t cut people off. Forgive, don’t forget, and grow into a better, stronger you. Let yourself be free from the constraints of judgment from others and from ourselves. It’s a constant work in progress. I’m a constant work in progress. But I’m not going to give up and I’m never going to settle. I’m thankful for this crazy journey. And I’m thankful for every single person who has been by my side throughout it. ❤️❤️ thatttttt’s how I’m feeling right about now ☺️🤗❤️ ✌️ #love #gratitude #strength #depression #faith #healing #support #gifts #useyours #nevergiveup
Last weekend is over and it’s time to move on to what’s next. Take what I learned and keep moving forward. Keep focused. Some days are so chaotic you feel like your whole life is falling apart. Yes, that’s dramatic...but it’s a real feeling 😏. And then, some days are so busy that you don’t have time to think about your feelings-those are my favorite ☺️. Yesterday, I was exhausted, I hadn’t slept after staying at the airport all night, I was starting to get sick, had no food at my apt after all the traveling, laundry to do, errands to roll ☺️, emails to write, and USA workouts to get done in the next two days before I leave again to head to Chicago for Women’s nationals with the @shieldmaiden.socal 💪🏼👊🏻🏀💃. But I can do this. And when I get through each day like this...I get stronger, I grow and I get closer to the person I want to be. ❤️💪🏼💪🏼👊🏻♿️🏀 #justkeepswimming #keepbelieving #keepfacingyourfears #ignorethehatersandlistentothelove #wheelchairbasketball #adaptiveathlete #makeitbetter #sci #spinalcordinjury #disability #ability #faith #strength 📸: @tanvisions ❤️❤️
Airport bathroom selfie at 2am. An all nighter at the airport with a team of amazing people ❤️ @ectoarel , @vytiman_a , @jo_sally , @1deepflyestking , @jrfarve_32 , @jhoonar , @peasplace , @dianself , @travis , @Ike , @Dan , @judy , @Keith , @Matt , ❤️ (not at the airport- @produsn , @ssutt2226 & @don_james33 ) Once again...it just comes down to the fact that, in my life, I truly believe everything happens for a reason. ❤️ After our final game of our 8 month season-and after an intense, eventful, exciting, tough weekend of competition, we are proud to say we placed 5th out of the 16 teams who qualified for the @nwba Division 1 Nationals in Cleveland, Ohio. 👊🏻♿️🏀 Placing 5th was incredible. But in that final game, and throughout the weekend, our emotions were running high, we were tired, full of passion, frustration & just an overall intensity to be our very best at the National Championships that we had been working our entire season for...& with that tension, any weaknesses we have as a team, mentally, emotionally & physically, are revealed. & with those come disagreements, misunderstandings & lotttts if different reactions. yet despite all of this, good teams pull through better and stronger than they were before...it’s just a matter of timing, communication & the will to work through it. & honestly, missing our connecting flight and having to stay overnight at the airport allowed us to have conversations we needed to have with each other to heal, to grow and to get back on track with the goal we all came together for...to be a badass, dominating, solid & strong team, inside and out ☺️👊🏻♿️🏀 After all...our team name is the @wolfpacksd ☺️I love believing everything happens for a reason ❤️ It fills me with so much gratitude. ❤️ We only get better from here ❤️❤️❤️ So thankful for these guys. Growing isn’t easy...but easy is not what any of us are here for 👊🏻💪🏼♿️🏀 #wheelchairbasketball #adaptiveathlete #basketball #wolfpack #nwba #disability #ability #strength -#team #adaptivesports #wheelchair #sci -#spinalcordinjury #amputee #nevergiveup -#blessed #thankful #teamworkmakesthedreamwork #trainhard #pushyourself #pushyourteammates #gratitude
