I don’t think the weekend could have possibly been any better ❤️ even with that one loss. We went 3 and 1 overall, with our only loss to the Milwaukee Bucks (@becca_murray12 ‘s team ☺️). This was my first weekend playing with these guys where I felt solid the whole way through (mentally), all throughout the weekend, on and off the court. I always talk about how I believe that everything happens for a reason and this weekend/week was full of so many positive, encouraging and motivating experiences: having my mom come visit & take me to the play @waitressmusical Thursday night was so healing for me & her in so many ways, leaving the next morning with this great group of guys for a tournament where I got to see one of my best friends @becca_murray12 & so many of my old teammates from college who all mean so much to me, playing so well together as a team with the @wolfpacksd as we worked through the ups & downs of a tournament weekend & came together even more as a team 😊😊🏀♿️💪🏼 I could go on forever. But long story shorter...I feel blessed to be where I am right now in my life as I feel like I am finally seeing the bigger picture ❤️ #thegardworkispayingoff #cantstop #thankful #nevergiveup heading to San Jose next weekend for our next tournament 😊
Quite often I let Fear Of The Unknown consume me. And every time I do I have to claw my way out of it. I was reading a book the other day, “How Champions Think” & it mentioned that depression could be connected to a “Learned Helplessness.” And, although I wish I didn’t, I believe that. I also believe there is a genetic predisposition to the ways in which different circumstances are going to affect us, but I can see how a learned helplessness could develop along the way. I know that one of the biggest things I battle during each and every fight I have with my own mind is the belief in my ability to make things better. Every time I go through a challenging situation the fear, self-doubt, self-sabotaging tendencies begin-and take me down. The sadness blindsides me everytime & makes me question everything about myself & my life. Why do I have to keep hurting so much?Why can’t I just be okay? Why does my mind have to feel so weak? I have fought this type of sadness for as long as I can remember. It’s depression. It’s a battle I have to fight. Yet, had I never told you I have depression...you would only have seen me for the things I have accomplished; overcoming an accident, winning a gold medal, earning a master’s degree. You would think things like, “she must be so happy. She is pretty, athletic, strong, has a lot of friends...” But you wouldn’t know what it takes to be the person that I am...nor would you know the person that I am. & I never want to be someone who contributes to social media in a way that makes anyone else feel like something is wrong with them for not having that “perfect life” that pictures all too often portray. The truth is that life is hard. That’s a fact I have learned over the past few years. I used to think it was just in my head. I thought it was my fault that life was hard because of the way depression skews my reality. But by how much? & can I make any of it better? The point of this story is that I spent a lot of the day hurting, crying & doubting my ability to make my life better...but the conclusion I always come to is that, yes, I can. And I will. & these pictures simply show how my day ended 💪🏼❤️ #grateful #focusonmyself #faith
Here’s a little update on my earlier talked about major problema 😏 I have been waiting to post an update about it because I don’t want to get too excited ☺️ before I know this is going to continue working, but...a former teammate & forever adaptive sports role model of mine @kverf read my post about my digestion issues & told me she had the same problem after her accident & that she also struggled for years. She said the only thing that ever helped her was when she started taking @theherbdoc Dr. Schulze’s Intestinal Formula #1. She happens to live in Arizona & was playing at the tournament I went to a few weekends ago. Before one of my games she gave me two of the capsules☺️☺️ it didn’t happen that day but it did the next :) I ordered it and have now gone six days in a row! In nine years...I haven’t even gone two days in a row, if not even two in a week. I know this is a lot of information....but hey,😏 I had to update after you all gave me so much love and support and good advice ☺️☺️❤️❤️ I’m not entirely cleared out...but it’s a process and I’m sticking with it. I’m eating healthy, drinking A LOT of water (trying to chug a glass of water every hour that I can & more) I am not trying to jump the gun...but I’m pretty sure I feel like a very different person. It feels like it’s a lot easier to just be me. It doesn’t take as much energy to laugh or socialize, I feel more motivated, light and way less foggy than I have known In a long time. I gotta keep this going. Anything worth having in this life takes work ❤️ it’s not going to happen overnight. Life can be better. I will continue to keep you updated...simply because I know you care. And for those who don’t want to read stuff like this...🤷♀️ I also gotta thank @laceymysterybyrd for continuing to push me hard during each and every workout ☺️💪🏼💪🏼❤️ this girl is awesome and I am loving watching the transformation happen. I am finally seeing the results I want & believe in the process more and more everyday ☺️❤️ just keep showing up. Set a goal and stick to it. #itdoesnthappenovernight #digestion #health #digestionproblems #freedom #faith #nevergiveup #depression #igotthis
Welcome to life 🤗 it’s highly unpredictable, full of ups and downs-not knowing what’s around the corner. You never know what each day will bring, how you will wake up, how the chemicals in your mind will react, how your heart will feel, and you especially have no control over what others will do and say. Each and every day is different...but as long as you are doing your best...that’s all that matters. ❤️ #foreverlearning #foreverevolving #forevergrowing #innerstrength #faith #goals
I have noooo idea how people always have pictures to post 🤔 I know I need to post an update for everyone who is following my journey, and I want to. But sometimes it feels like a lot of pressure to put something out there that would be “socially acceptable” when complete honesty is really all I want to post. So here is a different kind of update 🤗 I haven’t pooped in 9 days. I have 27 meals in my stomach...and this is a completely normal thing for me. I have been trying to figure it out since my accident ten years ago but can’t seem to make it regular. So long story short, yes, I have depression...but for the last ten years I have gone for over a week-3 weeks at a time without pooping. I have been full of toxins which does not help any situation. Soooo to shed a little more light on my life...every time I post anything about struggling or having a hard time-the odds are very good that being full of toxins has a lot to do with it. I have tried everything, but if anyone has any ideas I am definitely open to any and all suggestions anyone has 😏❤️ this is a huge issue in my life and takes so much energy from me. It gives me anxiety and makes me feel overwhelmed but it is an issue I can’t just ignore. I still do everything I need to do and I work hard doing things...but just getting my head right everyday to be able to do each thing has always been a struggle for me. I can only imagine how much more free I would feel if this was not a problem. Aggggghhhh I wanna know what that feels like! And I wanna see my real stomach! I’m gonna keep doing everything I need to do every single day...one day at a time 🤗 and heyyyyy I got this! Things are actually really good in my life right now :) I’m really happy with where I am mentally (minus the fog and the chemical imbalance :p but I feel pretty lucky for all of the opportunities, good people and experiences I have in my life ❤️ life is good. Just gotta keep going even when I don’t feel like it at times. I can’t put my life on hold just because I’m exhausted and full of toxins. Gotta keep living my life and doing what I gotta do. #howboutdatupdate #ohhhh and I’m leaving in the morning to play a tournament in Arizona ❤
